Sitting home alone on a Saturday night…

By Christopher Green

Reminds me of that first year or so of my sobriety. I went for the better part of two years without a date. I went from raging drunk to stuttering shy guy in the blink of an eye. I felt lost and terribly alone and the only solace I had was I wasn’t out in the world making a complete ass hole out of myself. That behavior went on most nights when I was drinking professionally.

I bet there are people out there still who say, even after 27 years, stuff like “do you remember when that asshole staggered into our party and tried to…..” You can imagine what I did. Me, well I only have halting, jiggering memories about those last few years of drunken debauchery, so I try not to think about it.

Anyway, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about.

Now, Laurie is out reacquainting herself with old friends from High School. I am glad that she has found some friends that she can enjoy with or without me. Since most of the time I am not really up to socializing. Especially now that I am still shaking off an almost four-month significant downturn in my overall health. (OMG that sounded like Sheldon!)

Anyway, I wasn’t feeling good enough to spend time out of the house. Especially in a crowded house with people who might be ill. (OMG, I sound like Leonard!)

Thank god for the Big Bang to make me laugh!

Tomorrow is her work holiday party and I felt that if I had to choose one, it would be that party. The jury is still out on tomorrow, whether I will be strong enough to head out to a holiday party.

I am actually having a good time. I am getting used to being alone. Now if I could only shake this feeling of being tired all the time I could actually get a lot done. I wonder if this is what Mono feels like.

Believe it or not, I had a point to make when I started this post.  By the time I meandered myself to here, I seem to have forgotten what tremendously salient point it was that I was going to make.

Oh well, I am feeling about 200% better than I was two weeks ago. Still sleeping about 10-11 hours a day, but I am also getting stuff done, getting ready for tax season and also exercising again which is probably the point I was trying to make.

This week is the first week since early in June that I was able to ride the bike for four days in one week. And I was able to get 20 minutes each time. I call that a victory that I can build on. I have also added sit-ups and push-ups. Next week I will start in on the weights again and see where that takes me.

To tell the truth, I was getting apprehensive about the transplant. The rebounds after previous respiratory episodes, up until now, came easy to me. This one was an eye opener of Epic proportion. (Sorry, now I’m listening to the hype about the first ever Big Ten Championship Game and am getting caught up in hyperbole. I wonder why they still insist on calling themselves the Big Ten when they actually have 12 teams.)

I still want to push-off the transplant as long as I can. After all, the Lung Transplant is still the least successful out of all the other transplants, so I want to push it down the road as long as I can in order to take advantage of any new technology or research that comes along. Especially now that we have a president who believes in science and stuff like that.

(I never got why some people who believe in God can’t get their hands around the concept that God may have made us to discover what it is we can discover to better our lives. It’s not like God made a mistake and let mankind think and reason and grow in an intellectual manner. That has always confounded me about people who take the translated words of people thousands of years ago as literal and the be all end all when we, as a species, obviously have reason and deduction as part of our make-up. Some say it’s a curse, I say it’s a blessing. But I digress.)

So it’s a Saturday night. I’m home alone just like I was back in the middle of the 80’s. Only this time, I am liking it. Laurie is out and I hope she is having a ball. She deserves to be happy.

Go Wisconsin. I think it’s going to be a good game.

2 Responses to Sitting home alone on a Saturday night…

  1. Anne says:

    Glad you’re able to work out again – very good blog entry.

  2. Bonnie says:

    Good to see you’re still writing! Stay strong Chris!!

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